View From The Bottom

Well, I don't really know what to say for myself. Here I am 67 days removed from the Tri and I can't button my pants, walk from my car to inside Walmart with out giving out breath, stop stuffing my face long enough to THINK about a gym. The most water I have seen was coming out of my shower head. I am starting to believe I am a lost cause. I need to get FOCUSED, more than focused... TUNNEL VISIONED. 

It is way more easier said than done. Look at my previous blogs I have been "getting focused" since the start of my 'Better ME for a Better Future'. I am planning the rest of my life with this. I feel that this is my fork in the road. One arrow pointing to early death through heart attack, diabetes, strangulation by FAT the other to Active lifestyle, Longer Life, Sexiville. What a decision to make?!

Tomorrow is April 1st, April Fools Day. I refuse to be an April Fool any more! I will get with Coco this week and get a serious kick booty no deterrence work out and food plan. I have to do a 1 Million Mile Swim, 12 Billion mile bike (I am still on strike!), and a 5 trillion mile run. 

1 mile or a million it all feels the same to me! I feel so much fatter than I did 4 months ago, in fact I think I am... How sad...

I refused to die from STRANGULATION BY FAT!

Fattys of the World UNITE,

Drea

03/31/09

Fatty Watty 2 by 4

Woooo! I can't take it!

I am so saddened by my lack of discipline and better yet the lack of commitment to myself, my life, my future. I am on a terror-filled emotional roller coaster and these loopty-loops got me feeling nervous and I reach for soda, soda and more soda. I can't shake it and my addictions are taking over to ease with my current circumstances.

Fatty Watty 2 by 4
Can't fit through the living room door
So she did it on the floor
Fatty Watty 2 by 4

That is where I am on my way too! I am incapable of having self control, self awareness and it appears that I am incapable of exhibiting self-love! I am killing myself and I am taking years off my life with all this extra flubber I am carrying. My knees hurt so bad I hate to stand up sometimes and I am still in my twenties. I don't think that I can bear the thirties, forties or fifties even if I make it that far without keeling over from a heart attack!

I work best under consistency. I know what to expect and you know what to expect, when that does not happen I get emotional and I eat! Surprisingly, I don't think that it is stress. I don't feel any pressure from my school time and work time. I look in the mirror everyday and I see my tire around the middle growing from size 18 to size 22 and those are some big tires! I believe my problem stems from heart break, neglect, and insecurity.

Fatfully Yours,
Drea
03/05/2009